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Dear Joey,
My dog ran away. I need help.
Signed,
Ana
Dear Ana,
Have you tried cheese? Walk outside and yell "cheese" as loud as you can. If that doesn't work, put out posters. Call everyone you know and ask them if they've seen it. Call the pound. They can help. Just don't bother me.
Sincerely,
Joey
Dear Joey,
My rabbit is missing. It hopped out the door. I walked outside and tried to say, "Carrot!" Then I said "ribbit" about five times! But then, my cousin walked over and said, "It's a snail, not a frog." Then my uncle walked over. He said, "No! That's all wrong, David! It's the Chicago Bullfrogs!" My sister walked over. She said, "All three of you are wrong. It's a monkey!" Oh no! What should I do, Joey?
Sincerely,
Amber
Dear Amplifier,
Dude, people like you are screwed up. Get off my site this instant. Soup eaters like you don't deserve to know about it.
Anyway, you should go to the shoe store with nothing but socks on and ask them for a cheeseburger. This probably won't get your rabbit back, but you'll look even stupider than you already are.
Sincerely,
Joey
Dear Fatso,
Advice columns are stupid. Get a freaking life.
Sincerely,
Frank
Dear Frank,
Do you eat cats?
Sincerely,
Fatso(Joey)
joey hi my name is unknown and i need to ask you a question.My question is are you reallysmart or are you just saying that. I think your lying about your smartness. just in-case you were wondering this is a hatemail good by
Unknown
Dear Unknown(if that is your real name),
Okay, people, if you're going to send me something, send me something intelligent. Also, make sure you use spel chek.
Sincierly,
Joey(who is reallysmart)
Dear Joey,
How can I get my mom to stop watching Oprah? I hate Oprah. also my mom watches Dr.Phil. They are the most retarded people I no in the entire world. the thought of Oprah makes me want to eat Twinkies and give people with problems stuff so I look good. The thought of Dr.Phil makes me want to be friends with someone like zack.... or joey....
sincerely,
Oprah Haters Anonymous
Dear Representative,
Your letter has inspired me. If your company does not mind, I may start an OHA section on my site. Anyway, a good way to stop your mom is to pull out an uzi and blow her head off. And um, do you really think eating twinkies is that bad? Also, towards the end of your letter, I sense a hint of sarcasm. Was that intentional?
Sincerely, Joey(new member of OHA)
Dear Joey,
My friend crossbreeds his cats and dogs.
Sincerely, Bradley
Dear Bradley,
We're sorry, Joey freaked out and fainted upon reading your letter. Whenever possible, he'll get back to you.
Sincerely, The Joe's Junk Editors
Dear Joey,
I have 10 IQ points for every 4 IQ points my friend has, who I'm not going to name (Bradley). Does that mean that he is a spy trying to destory O.A.H. before it even starts? Ohh one more thing. Does my oversized novelty hand make Brad look fat?
From,
Mr. T A.K.A. Founder of O.A.H. A.K.A. Homosidelpyromaniac Boy A.K.A. Zach
Dear Zach,
Yes, he is a spy. I recommend you pick up your nearest shotgun and blow his head off. Unfortunately, your oversized novelty hand does not make Brad look fat. He just is fat.
Sincerely, Joey
Dear Joey,
My pet turd ran away on purpose. I yelled at the top of my lungs and said," Toilet water," but no sign of him. Do you think you can help me on this.
sincerely,
Fabian Lopez
Dear Fabian,
Anyone who keeps a pet turd is an idiot. I feel very bad for you.
Anyway, try making little flush noises with your mouth or even bringing your toilet outside. If that doesn't work, well I don't know what to tell you buddy.
Sincerely,
Joey
dear joey, how can u tell if someone is gay? my friend is just such a colorful person that i want to know.......... i mean come on..he likes pie ( 3.14 7/22 )
Sincerely,
Bradley
Dear Bradley,
It's a very simple method. If their name is Zach, they're gay. If it isn't, they might still be but there is a chance that they're not.
Sincerely,
Joey
Dear joey I have a problem. my butt keeps growing mushrooms on it. and it iches.please help me.
sinserly,
Ashley
Dear Ashley,
Dr. Scholls worked for me.
Sincerely,
Joey
Dear Joey,
It's me fabian. I was wandering how do I register on your website. I'm having problems with the password part could you please help me ?
Dear Fabian,
Registering on my website is a simple process. Go beneath the giant toilet on the front page. Click on the Joe's Junk Message Board. After that, go click on register at the top of the screen. It will ask for a username and e-mail address. Click "I Agree" at the bottom, then go check your e-mail. It should explain the rest.
Sincerely,
Joey
Dear Joe,
My friend likes this guy and hes a real beauch!! (if you know what i mean)
She really likes him and she cant get over him but she has to! How can she
stop liking him?
Sincerly,
allie
Dear Allie,
Love is a mysterious and difficult thing. Luckily, I came up with a way to
deal with all your problems. This method can be found in my new book:
Duplicity Examined. Go out and buy it for the highest price you can find. In
fact, purchase a few dozen copies. I'm sure your friends will find it useful
as well.
Sincerely,
Joey (Please note: Book does not exist. Do not bombard me with questions
about being able to find it.)
Dear Joe,
This person which i will not name is confusing.The person thinks im anoying
but still talkes to me? and he doesnt like me as a friend? (i heard it from
the persons cousin). what should i do? :(
From,
depresed :(
Dear Depressed,
I think it's a safe bet this person still likes you. The whole thing was probably just a really big misunderstanding. I think you shouldn't let it hit you too hard, and continue life as if it didn't happen. It's a forgive and forget thing.
Sincerely,
Joey
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