"That's classic," Andrew said.

 

"Klafterus, your ideas just get better and better," Patric agreed.

 

"Yeah, yeah, come on, hurry up and tape it to the door!" Tyler insisted, still tossing the remains of his roll of toilet paper from hand to hand.

 

It was a dark, cold Vegas winter night that provided many adjectives for me to use when I would later describe it in my autobiography, which I am doing now. I was writing a letter to the mean old woman who lived on our block, the finale to my gang's fecal prank. We had become quite famous by then, moreso than any of us ever thought we would. All the other kids knew us and feared us. The adults, who were unaware of our identities, would curse and shake their fists at all children who walked by in hopes that they belonged to the infamous Rose Petals. The four of us were sardines in a can by then.

 

Andrew was the loyal, you-can-tell-me-anything friend. There was never a plot of ours that didn't involve his input. He was my right-hand-man, of sorts. When he and I spoke privately, we agreed that if either of the other two members were to plan treachery within the gang, we would both take them down together.

 

Patric was the brains of the outfit. We were lucky to have him around, as he saved our lives several more times than he probably should have. He was the guy who'd march off and do his homework while our group hatched its next plan, then allowed us to copy it later while he worked on fine-tuning the scheme before it went into action.

 

Tyler... well, Tyler was what I can best describe as our scapegoat. Whenever we had a particularly nasty idea, he always had to do the dirty work, which was what he was in the middle of on that dark, cold Vegas winter night. He was consistently getting blamed for the things we did. There was sparsely a day that went by when he wasn't grounded. More than the other boys, he was our marketing tool. Everyone knew Tyler, of course. He stuck out in a crowd like a lighthouse in the Sahara, and was almost as tall. Whenever the Rose Petals wanted to spread some panic, all we had to do was tell Tyler to talk to a couple of people.

 

Smiling at the thought of Mrs. Pocino's later reaction, I ripped a piece of tape from our dispenser and stuck my letter right over the peephole on her front door. Then we all scrambled to pick up our bikes and rode away as fast as we could, laughing like we had just seen a duck with a sombrero on. We collapsed with exhaustion only when we had reached our hangout, the little alcove in the wall down at the end of the street.

 

"Man... that was hillarious..." Tyler said, coughing between his words.

 

"No kidding," Andrew seconded.

 

I wiped a few tears of humor from my eyes. "You guys, this is great. I can't wait until tomorrow."

 

Patric smiled. "Yeah, it's too bad the world's ending in a couple of weeks."

 

Something about this statement just didn't fit in with the conversation. "Um... is it just me... or did you say the world's ending a couple of weeks?" I asked.

 

"Yeah, what are you talking about, Pat?" Tyler wondered.

 

"Seriously," Andrew agreed.

 

Patric looked at us each in alarm. "You mean you guys haven't heard? I saw it on the news, I thought you all would've known!"

 

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, Pat, who watches the news?"

 

"Yeah, but what's it all about?" Tyler asked. He looked terrified now.

 

"Well, you see, this is what I heard: in the year 2000, the world's going to end because of something called Y2K," he told us.

 

"Y2K? What's that?" Andrew wondered aloud.

 

"I think it has something to do with robots," Patric said. "On the news they showed people building shelters in their basements and stuff to hide from their electronics."

 

"Robots!" Tyler said. "What would they want from us?"

 

I thought for a moment. "They've probably concocted a plan to steal our brains so that they can finally think independently! I heard somewhere that computers can only do what you tell them to."

 

"Yeah!" Andrew added. "And they'll probably gather up all their little robot friends from other dimensions! Like in that movie 'The Matrix'!"

 

"I didn't get that movie," Tyler said.

 

"Yeah, neither did I, it was weird," Andrew replied.

 

"It's absolute armageddon," I realized. "We have got to stop this."

 

"We'll have to build a shelter like those guys!" Patric said. "Anyone got any ideal places?"

 

"We could use my garage," I offered.

 

Andrew disagreed, "It's so cluttered with junk that..."

 

"JOSEPH! GET IN HERE NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE THE TRASH OUT!"

 

"Ugh," I said. "That's my mom. Guys, we've got to do something about this. We'll all meet here tomorrow, okay?"

 

"Yeah, okay, Klafterus!" Tyler said.

 

Patric nodded. "We'll try to figure something out, all right?"

 

"Yeah, all right!" I said hurriedly, and then ran off.

 

I came into the house to find my parents in the kitchen and dinner ready, with the trash can overflowing. "JOSEPH, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST RUN OFF WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND NOT DO A THING TO HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE!" Mom screamed. "HONESTLY, ALAN, WILL YOU SAY SOMETHING TO THE BOY?"

 

Dad looked up from the mail. It was obvious he hadn't been paying attention. "Yes. Joseph, you need to do more work around here without being asked. Listen to your mother."

 

"My name is Klafterus," I said, dragging the garbage bag outside to the can. My parents were always complaining that I did barely any work. Little did they know I was busy thinking of ways to save the world from destruction by brain-eating robots from another dimension.

 

I came back into the house to find Mom screaming again. "GOSH, WHERE DOES ALL THE TOILET PAPER GO SO FAST? DA-MI-JOE, COME REFILL THE BASKET!"

 

I looked at my brothers, Dave and Mike.

 

"She said your name last," Dave told me lazily.

 

"Yeah, it's clear that she was correcting herself," Mike agreed.

 

I shook my head. "My name is Klafterus." I went to the garage, where the toilet paper was, along with half the other things in the world, annoyed that Mom couldn't remember which of her kids she was talking to in the middle of a sentence.

 

After finishing my job, I sat down at the table for dinner, where all was quiet. My parents liked to watch reruns of 'Roseanne' rather than converse and build family relations. Despite this, I decided to ask a question.

 

"Mom, Dad," I said, "could I go out with my friends tomorrow? We all wanted to hang out together."

 

There was silence for a moment. "Tomorrow?" Dad asked.

 

"Yes," I answered, rolling my eyes and wishing Dad would listen to things the first time I said them.

 

"I don't think so," he said. "We were all going to go down to Opportunity Village as a family."

 

My mouth fell open, spilling mashed potatoes all over me. "What? Do I have to go?"

 

Mom slammed her silverware down. "YES, IT'S ALL PRETTY AND DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS THERE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO ENJOY IT!"

 

I sat for a while, playing with my food. "Could I bring a friend, then?"

 

"NO!" Mom shouted.

 

I jumped back in shock. The rest of the family was startled too. Dad had gotten stroganoff in his lap. "Could you just talk to me instead of yelling?" I requested.

 

"NO!" she repeated.

 

I slumped in my seat, then got up and went to wash my plate off, listening to my brothers laugh as I left.

 

Crawling into bed that night, I knew my friends were going to panic if they discovered that I was missing the next day. I had to contact them. I couldn't use the house phone because it was in the hallway and my parents would notice if I went to get it. There was another phone in my room, however, hooked up to a phone line that was strictly used for the computer. I don't think my parents ever expected me to call anyone with it. If I had to risk it, though, now was the time. The fate of the world was in my hands.

 

I reached for the phone, hoping no one was on the internet at the moment, and dialed Patric's number.

 

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Patric there?"

 

"This is he."

 

"Patric, it's Klafterus... I can't go out with you guys tomorrow."

 

"What?"

 

"I know, I know, my family's going to Opportunity Village. Listen, you and the guys, try to figure out something to do without me, I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

 

"All right, I gotta go, talk to you later!"

 

"Bye."

 

With that I sank into bed, worried that I and the rest of the world had only a couple of weeks left to live.

 

Opportunity Village was hardly anything exciting. It was pretty much a bunch of lights, a merry-go-round, some guy in a Santa suit, and a train ride for kids who were extremely easily entertained. My family seemed to think they were somehow making me happy by bringing me there.

 

"Oh, look at the pretty lights, Joey!" Mom would say as if I were still a baby.

 

"My name is Klafterus."

 

"I SAID LOOK AT THE LIGHTS! ONE DAY YOU'LL APPRECIATE THIS!"

 

"Geez, okay, I'm sorry, I'll look at the lights," I said. I mumbled later, "I have lights in my room."

 

"Hey Joey," Dave taunted thinking that Mom couldn't hear, "look at the lights, they're so magical!"

 

"DAVID! GO TAKE JOEY ON THE TRAIN RIDE!"

 

"Aw man!" he and I said together. Mike and Dad broke into hysterics, then fought to hide it from Mom. I still heard them quietly laughing all the way up until we were leaving. I felt sorry for them in some ways, just standing there laughing when the world was about to end.

 

When we finally got home, I immediately ran outside to find that my friends were nowhere to be found in the neighborhood. I got on my scooter and searched all night trying to find them, but it seemed they had vanished. More disappointed than ever, I went to bed still worried that night.

 

In the middle of the next day, there was a knock on the door so quiet that no one in my house noticed it except me. I went and opened it. At first it seemed that no one was there, but upon further inspection, I discovered that the other Rose Petals were hiding in various places around my yard like military spies. "What are you guys doing?" I asked.

 

"Shh!" Patric urged. "You've gotta be extra quiet!"

 

They emerged, looked around, then grabbed me and handcuffed me. "Hey!" I complained. "What's going on?"

 

"Sorry, but this is necessary procedure," Andrew said.

 

"To make sure you're not a robot in disguise," Tyler added.

 

"I'm not! Come on, you guys! It's me, Klafterus! I am the Messiah!"

 

All activity stopped. "Okay, yeah, no one else would know that," Patric said, unlocking the cuffs.

 

"What if a robot's already eaten his brain and found out?" Tyler said, unconvinced.

 

"Come on, that's silly," Andrew told him. "They can't start eating people's brains until the new year."

 

"Yeah," I said.

 

They surrounded me, forcing me to walk down to the sidewalk. Then they took me up to the end of the street. I thought they were going to stop there, but they continued and took me right out of the neighborhood. Then they walked up to the Albertsons shopping center that we lived next to. Occasionally I would say, "Where are we going?"

 

But they would always reply with, "Shh! We'll tell you when we get there!"

 

When we eventually did get there, I saw that the place they were bringing me was the small alley behind the nearby Terrible's gas station where the dumpster was. There was a small tent staked into the ground there. "What is this?" I asked.

 

"Our shelter," Patric responded.

 

They brought me in and let go of me at long last. Lining the inside perimeter of the tent were provisions and weapons. "Wow," I said, "you guys really did some work, huh?"

 

"Couldn't wait around for you when the world need to be saved," Tyler answered.

 

"Great," I said happily. They had gotten much more accomplished than I had expected them to. "So what do we do now?"

 

"Spread the word," Andrew replied.

 

"Huh?" This confused me. "You guys dragged me out here telling me this was all a secret, and now suddenly we're going to go back out there and tell everybody?"

 

"We had to wait for you," Patric explained. "You're the one that ties the Rose Petals together, Klafterus. Without you, this gang wouldn't exist. We figured that whatever we did between the three of us was all right, but before we revealed our secrets to the outside world, we needed your consent."

 

"Well, gee, thanks," I said, taken aback. "But next time... I mean, when the world's on the line... well, I'm not that important..."

 

"Stop your muttering," Patric commanded. "Andrew, give him his defenses."

 

Andrew picked up a gun from the opposite side of the tent and brought it to me. "This is your standard handbuilt 1:16 fortress chamber rifle. Carry this with you at all times for protection."

 

"Uh... okay," I told him, taking it nervously.

 

"Take this also," Tyler added, presenting me with a small, red circular object. "It's a communication device. Press this button in the center and the three of us will be immediately alerted. Never use this unless you're in an absolute emergency."

"Um... all right," I said, putting it in my pocket. "Can I ask why?"

 

"I'm sorry, but that information is strictly confidential," Tyler said, sounding quite like one of the robots himself.

 

"What we want you to do now," Patric continued, "is go out there and tell your family what you've learned. It is time the eyes of the world are opened. This is war."

 

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying my best to look like a soldier. "Right," I said, accepting my mission. I marched out of the shelter toward my house.

 

"Mom, Dad," I interrupted the television that night during dinner, "I've got something I need to tell you."

 

Dad looked skeptical. "If this is more of that Messiah nonsense, you're grounded."

 

"No, no, it's nothing important like that. I need to tell you that robots are going to take over the world in a couple of weeks."

 

Dad choked on his piece of chicken. "Oh, is this that Y2K bullcrap? Joey, that's just a story."

 

My eyes widened with shock at what I was hearing. "You mean you know about it? And you haven't done anything?"

 

"Joey, it's just a story. No one's computer is really going to reset in them."

 

"You don't even care, do you?" I said in disbelief, not really listening to whatever he was saying about computers resetting. "The world's going to end and you don't even care!"

 

"JOEY!" Mom belted in. "IF YOUR FATHER SAYS IT'S JUST A STORY, THEN IT'S JUST A STORY! GET TO BED! NOW!"

 

I stood up. "MY NAME IS KLAFTERUS!" I yelled at her. Then I stomped off to my room.

 

The next day I got dressed and left the house before anyone else in my family woke up. I immediately left for the shelter to wait for my friends. "Guys, my family didn't believe me. They said it was just a story," I told them when they arrived.

 

"Ours too," Patric said. "It doesn't look like we're going to convince anyone."

 

"Dammit, I'm mad." Andrew kicked one of the stakes in the ground, causing the tent to quiver a little bit.

 

"That's a palindrome," I told him.

 

"A what?" Tyler asked.

 

"A palindrome," I explained. "A sentence that reads the same backward or forward."

 

"Oh," he said. "How did you figure this out?"

 

"Because I'm bored as Hell," I answered.

 

Indeed, most of that day was spent sitting in our shelter without any of us saying a word. When it was time for all of us to go, Patric suggested, "So we'll meet here New Year's Eve, right guys? To prepare."

 

"Sounds good," I answered.

 

"Yeah," Andrew agreed.

 

"Yeah," so did Tyler.

 

For the remainder of the year, life was very dull. Even Christmas lost its magic. I didn't bother filling out a wish list and neither did my friends. We didn't really care for the holiday at all (we were steadfast in our belief that I was the Messiah)  but it was normally a chance to get some stuff we didn't have enough money for, like lawnmowers. Finally, December 31st, 1999 arrived: the last day before it would all be over.

 

"Mom, Dad," I said that afternoon, "I'm going to go out with my friends, okay? They wanted me to hang out today."

 

"Sorry, Joey, but today is not the day. Go get some nicer clothes on, we're going to Larry's and Shirley's for dinner tonight," Dad told me.

 

"What?" I said, so shocked this time that I didn't even care to correct my name. Not only was I going to be unable to go out with my friends on my last day on Earth, but Larry and Shirley were horribly boring people and were the very last company I wanted to have while getting my brain eaten.

 

I ran to my room quickly before Mom could start yelling again. I fumbled for the communication device in my pocket. "Guys," I said into it while pressing the button, "guys, can you hear me?"

 

"Klafterus, what is it?" came Tyler's voice.

 

"Guys, my parents are saying I have to go out with them to their friends' house tonight! I don't know what to do!"

 

"Oh crap," said Andrew.

 

"JOEY! WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO UP THERE?"

 

Sweat was running down my face so much I could hardly talk. "Guys, I'll contact you again when I can, okay?" Then I stuffed the device back in my pocket while I went to the closet to search for one of those supposedly nice-looking shirts.

 

My parents pulled me into the car while Mike and Dave waved at us from the doorstep. "How come they don't have to come?" I asked.

 

"BECAUSE YOUR BROTHERS ARE ADULTS NOW! SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN, YOU'RE COMING WITH US WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!" Mom answered.

 

This was true, I realized. I was eight years old now, making Mike eighteen and Dave twenty. "How come they're still living here then?"

 

"BECAUSE YOUR BROTHERS ARE LAZY AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO END UP LIKE THEM, GOT IT?"

 

"Geez, yeah, I got it." I searched Rose Petal Avenue as we drove away for some sign of my friends. No such luck.

 

When we arrived at Larry's and Shirley's house, there was absolutely nothing for me to do while the adults played cards. "Is that kid gonna get bored?" Shirley asked.

 

"Nah, he's fine," Dad answered.

 

"Are you sure?" Larry questioned. "We've got a guest bedroom if he'd like to take a nap."

 

"Oh, thank you, we appreciate it," Mom said. Then she turned around and faced me. "JOEY! GET OFF THE FLOOR AND GO LIE DOWN!" I saw Larry and Shirley exchange looks before Mom turned back to the game.

 

I got up on the uncomfortable bed that seemed to be there only for looks, because it was useless for sleeping. I pulled out my communicator and hit the button. "Hey, guys can you hear me?"

 

No answer.

 

"Guys, are you there?"

Equally absent response.

 

I sighed deeply. I had to keep trying, I had to. I couldn't just stay there with the card-playing adults and wait around to die.

 

Unfortunately, boredom got to me that night and I drifted off sometime. Luckily, I was awoken by a sudden screaming of the word:

 

"TEN!"

I sat up in bed, confused.

 

"NINE!"

 

In my drowsiness, I made the connection that nine was the number before ten with much difficulty.

 

"EIGHT!"

 

I realized there was a countdown going on.

 

"SEVEN!"

 

I jumped out of bed.

 

"SIX!"

 

I raced through the hallway.

 

"FIVE!"

 

Emerging into the family room, I found Larry, Shirley, and my parents in front of the TV counting down along with the people on the news to the year 2000.

 

"FOUR!"

 

"NO!" I shouted. I raced for the front door.

 

"THREE!"

 

Mom grabbed me. "JOEY, STAY STILL, YOU LITTLE..."

 

"TWO!"

 

I wrenched out of her arms and scrambled outside. "MY NAME IS KLAFTERUS!"

 

"ONE!"

 

"Klafterus!"

 

I looked around for the source of the voice. There, next to my parents' car, were Patric, Andrew, and Tyler. The Rose Petals were united.

 

"Guys!" I shouted in surprised glee. "How'd you know how to get here?"

 

"We hid in the trunk of your car when you came," Patric revealed.

 

"Oh man... you guys didn't have to do that!" I said in amazement.

 

"I told you before, you're the one that ties the Rose Petals together, Klafterus. Without you, this gang wouldn't exist," Patric insisted.

 

"Wow... thanks a lot," I said. "How come you didn't answer the communication device earlier?" 

 

"We heard you earlier when you called us, but we didn't answer for fear that your parents might hear us," Patric explained.

 

"We've been watching through the window for them to leave the room so we could get back to you," Andrew added.

 

"I was in the other room!" I told them. "The guest bedroom! You could've contacted me!"

 

"Um, you guys, you might want to save this for later," Tyler said, pointing upwards. "Look."

 

Descending from the sky was an army of robots. They landed on the street and began marching in our direction. I pulled out my standard handbuilt 1:16 fortress chamber rifle, aimed, and fired. Nothing happened.

 

"Put that thing away!" Andrew ordered, grabbing at the gun.

 

"Why isn't it working?" I demanded.

 

"It's not real!"

 

"It's not real?"

 

"No, you idiot! I just wanted to make you feel like you were in a James Bond movie!"

 

"You morons!" I said. "I suppose there wasn't really anything confidential about that communication device either, huh?"

 

"No, not really," Tyler replied.

 

I shook my head. "After we die, I am going to kill you guys."

 

The robots came to us, their arms extending in preparation to eat our brains. But then the big one who looked like their leader hollered, "Stop!"

 

All the robots stopped. The big one knelt down. "Who is it that stands so bravely while we march on this January 1st, 2000?"

 

"Uh..." I said, "My name's Klafterus."

 

He extended a robotic hand. I shook it. "Klaff-tuh-russ, my name is X-078 RIBOSCAPE. I am in awe that you have honor enough for your species to stand out here in the open like this."

 

"Um... thanks?" I guessed.

 

He stood up. "I salute you." The robots started to march again.

 

"Wait," I said. "Aren't you going to, you know, destroy the world, all of that good stuff?"

 

"Someday," X-078 replied, "when we are ready. For now we live in secret, go into hiding. But I promise that we will spare you and your friends for your nobility. So long, Klaff-tuh-russ, friend of the robots." The army walked away.

 

I turned to my friends. "Well, that settles it. We're safe. My parents' friends have got a huge dinner cooked inside, you guys want some?"

 

"Sounds great," Patric replied.

 

"I like ham," said Tyler.